Aliens. The truth as an alien concept for this one. Maybe they did not really know what the truth was or is, but it certainly did not appear to be a very constant thing. The shifting sands of truth. But surely there is a definitive truth, even one made of personal intentions?
‘No and No’, is how it started. Two fairly unequivocal responses. (In time one of these would prove to be false, or change to being false, if we wish to be generous). How can a binary question be so deeply inaccurately answered?
‘It is bad, but not as bad as you think’. In fact you have no idea how bad I think it is. And the truth, or what passes for the truth nowadays, was worse than I thought. And it is even worse now.
‘You can, and you could’. Well, yes, that is true. But let us be honest. We all know I could not and would not do that. Yet despite all the protests and requests you did do it. Not I. You. And after so long being battered and bewildered and spun and splintered by half-truths and untruths I was not equipped to cope with the final irreversible terrible truth.
I thought I was empty. My insides first kicked out, then scraped out. Every atom of my being systematically removed and crushed. Yet in the face of that truth, spoken so gently, I discovered I had yet more to lose; sucked out of my empty chest in a moment; a breath almost taken.
Done. I am done.
Yet your difficult relationship with the truth continues.
I am tired. So tired.