Decompression Arrived Quickly After the Window Blew Out
Windows, again. You can see through them, but they are a barrier. And I certainly use them as one. But every now and then, like today, they open and let in a blast of cold, cold air. And so as the decompression hit I wandered around, I am not sure where (although I have just found a toy and a receipt for it, so I must have been in a shop with the kids on my mind) and found myself curled up in a friend’s flat. He talked and listened and patiently got me back on my feet and here I am again.
And how on earth can I be back here? It feels like day one. I am determined to savour every drop of this Christmas and enter into the spirit of it in a way I haven’t for some decades. It’ll be the last one that looks like this; the only shape of Christmas they have ever known, or ever want. Different, they say, isn’t the same as ‘worse’. Well, I suspect it will be for them.
Well they have a good pile of presents, and the little bits and pieces for the stockings will be great. The only thing I really remember from my childhood. Leaving the empty football sock at the end of the bed. Then, waking in the dark and feeling the weight of it on the blanket. Moving my feet, so gently, and hearing that creak of the stuffed sock, filled with presents. He’d been! It still thrills me now, thinking about it and seeing that magical anticipation in my own kids.
We give them a time that they can come through and they sit on our bed and open the stockings. What unutterable joy this is. This, I guess, will be the last year of that. So I will savour it. As a child you simple cannot fathom how giving presents can be more rewarding than receiving them. Well nothing, nothing, beats those stockings and their silly little things and sweeties (that I never let them eat; they still have some left now from last year.)
I can’t truly get that deep thrilling Christmassy feeling anymore, much as I try. Maybe I should go back on the sauce, maybe if it was properly cold already. Maybe it is age, I don’t know, but seeing it reflected in their wonderful faces I feel it a bit. I can’t wait any more than they can.