Jan 27th – She did exactly what she was told never to do

January 27th – She did exactly what she was told never to do


‘Can’t touch this’, MC Hammer categorically stated.

She touched it anyway. It was disappointing, ultimately, and not what she would have expected, had she thought about it at all, although to be fair, it wasn’t something that (to her knowledge) had ever crossed her conscious mind. But she had touched it anyway, because she’s been told not to. She was like that.

And it wasn’t as if MC Hammer, he of the poorly-conceived trousers, was categorically telling her not to touch it in the first place. ‘Can’t touch this’ might just as easily have been saying ‘You can’t touch this, you mere mortal. It is beyond you and the reach of your arms, because it is untouchable.’ If that was the case, she had chosen to ignore this potential meaning, and go with the more direct, ‘You can’t touch this, so don’t touch it, OK?’

As has been established, she touched it anyway, and was underwhelmed. MC Hammer’s response was, as far as we know, unrecorded.

Touching it was not the first time she had acted in direct contravention of a musical message. Many would probably agree with her stopping Queen, once they had brazenly and bombastically come out with the provocative ‘Don’t stop me now.’ Preventing the spaniel-haired Brian May from leaving the baker’s shop was another triumph in her catalogue of perversities. Not perversities, obviously: she didn’t catalogue those, but if anyone on the radio told her not to do something through the medium of song then you could be sure that she was going to do exactly what they had instructed her not to do.

‘Don’t stop believing,’ instructed Journey. She stopped. She didn’t believe in them any more. To her they became no more than a primitive belief system, an outmoded deity in a changing world, left behind by enlightenment. Again, Journey’s response was undocumented. The Beatles’ ‘Come Together’ took the pressure off in the bedroom. Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s ‘Relax’ was particularly stressful. Simple Minds’ ‘Don’t you (forget about me)’ rendered Jim Kerr obsolete.

And the list went on.

And it would have gone on longer, had she not been browsing the record store when all three minutes and fifty nine seconds of The Prodigy’s 1996 number one single ‘Breathe’ was played by a Saturday boy with freedom of the decks.

And that was that.


Inspired by a prompt from here


A Simple Reason Was All She Needed – Dead Deer

A Simple Reason Was All She Needed

An unfeasibly long drawn out explanation was forthcoming (my uncle is worse) yet all that was really required was something that could be thrown off in a couple of lines.

It had all started, of course, with her absurd attempts at ghostly behaviour. “The bones are unsettled” she would wail, a promising start. Not long after however she was testily stating, in quite a normal voice, that “all horrors would be seen before long in front of the Super-Saver”, a most un-ghostly vision. She had even got hold of some chains to rattle, but being of the white plastic variety dread was not instilled.

So why, I hear you ask, these attempts at spooking us? The explanation was simply that she was bored, the only excuse she needed for anything (remember the incident with bedsheets, broken hinges and almonds in Consdorf? Who could forget)

Yet she would cut out her tongue before admit that. Hence her hour long description of an increasingly unlikely series of coincidences that she, quite erroneously, led to her stumbling around the High Street at half past five on a Tuesday afternoon declaring “The fetid remains of long forgotten Guinea Pigs will return at midnight”. Luckily no one was around to see her and soon she settled down to sleep, at home, in a box marked “Maxwell House, Premium Blend 24 x 250g – NOT FOR RESALE”. By morning she had done with ghosts and went for a fairly uneventful five kilometre jog.

Funnily enough, some rotten undead Guinea Pigs did return to that village, but not until a couple of weeks later.

Today I wrote from 13:57 to 14:07. I was prompted by an idea here. My other writings here. All my prompted writing here, and my tweets here


Click here to buy the paperback version of Dead Deer’s Prompted writing

A simple reason was all she needed.

She wasn’t asking for much.  She just needed to know – for certain – that this was why she was sent down this path.

Just because…

This is how it’s going to be from now on…

You don’t require a reason…


This wasn’t what she signed up for.

She wanted to grow within the path.  To watch the seeds generously bloom along on both sides.  Not to be tamed and fenced in to one secluded spot.

She was going to suffocate.

And for no reason.

No simple reason.


It wouldn’t be too long before she uprooted completely and found the place where she could be nurtured – appreciated – for who she was and for what she could offer.


Maybe she was asking for much… But underneath, she deserved it.  She was worth it.

And all she needed was a simple reason for her to stay.


Prompted by this link.