Senseless and Staggering
The only loss that he could sustain was, perversely, the hardest loss of all.
In all moments he felt himself lost, suffocated, destroyed. Yet when the deepest trouble hit him, he was not shattered. He came into his own.
Firm, he was, and unwavering. ‘Dead to me’ was a phrase on his lips often, but always meant, and always faithful.
So many people gone from his life. His loyalty to himself was deep, and true and understandable, but who was the loser?
Half of nothing is nothing.
Can you not understand that once it’s gone, it’s gone. There is nothing left, why would there be any reason to not? Is it just revenge? Or simply desperation? No, not desperation, more like a lack. It lacks.
Lacking in everything, a past, a future, a present. How to move forward.
“I am nothing. I have always been nothing. I cannot want to be something.”
Work hard to improve. Nothing improved is still nothing.
And why? It’s all senseless, a staggeringly childish fantasy.
It’s all bullshit.
Today I wrote between 21:54 and 22:04. I was prompted by an idea here.
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