Uneasy Eggplant Episodes – The Writeycorn

Uneasy Eggplant Episodes

Dear Reader,

I am here to warn you about a thing called the cowplant. Most people mistake this curious plant for an eggplant, because you see, when you first plant a cowplant it looks like a eggplant seed and after a few weeks it even looks like one, but then if you leave it alone for 5 months, it grows enormous and goes white and spotty then eats you. The first thing to be eaten by it was the Hemulen who was at the time looking for mysterious plants and fell upon it and the cowplant thought “ohh what a tasty meal” and in one gulp swallowed him whole. Now you know why you should never eat eggplant or if anyone in your neighbourhood plants an eggplant move away. Thank you for your attention.

The Writeycorn

Today I wrote between 13:58 and 14:08 inspired by a prompt and idea here

Uneasy Aubergine Episodes – Dead Deer

Uneasy Aubergine Episodes

In fact, the ground did open up and swallow me.

It was all a misunderstanding, see? I did not mean it like that and of course I was mortified. I would like to say ‘I don’t know who was more embarrassed’, but I do. It was me. He seemed to enjoy it, which was, of course, worse. What an awful situation to be in, with him being my boss, effectively, and all.

I do not even know how I came to be running such an absurd errand in the first place. I’m actually on the creative side, but there was this big launch, see? Lots of the Big Nobs from the States were over, and of course he was desperate that it went well. Nothing he loved more than rubbing shoulders with the high and mighty from his homeland.

Oh yes, he’s a yank alright. That is where trouble began. I was pretty angry that he asked me to run to the shops to get some stuff to serve, but the it was ‘all hands on decks’, as it were, and he himself was sweeping and mopping the board-room, so I could not really complain, could I?

Why the fuck is it an ‘eggplant’ anyway? It makes no bloody sense. I did not bother checking the list until I was there, everything else was quite straightforward. I was not quite sure about that. I had no idea what on Earth how he planned to prepare or serve it at such short notice, so I thought maybe I had misunderstood. I sent a text to check.

To avoid any further problems I simply sent an icon, an emoji, with a question mark. A long pause before a reply, and it was a reply that frankly startled me. I had no idea. Once I discovered what it all meant I nearly died, and longed for the ground to open up and swallow me.

Which it did. He still texts, lurid and awful texts. But I’m not coming out. Not ever.

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Today I wrote  between 13:58 and 14:08.  I was prompted by an idea here.

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My other writings here. All my prompted writing here, my tweets here, and buy my book here.